Give Me A Reason
by Villanelle
Summary: Possibly the last songfic that will come after "Heaven's Gates". This is Hotohori's thoughts on Nuriko's impending death. Slightly angsty.


**Disclaimers: **The world and characters of Fushigi Yuugi are the property of the great Watase Yuu and other respective companies. This written piece is for personal entertainment purposes only, and no copyright infringement of any kind is being meant by this author.

**Author's Notes: **This fic follows my sonnet "Heaven's Gates", which is preceded by my songfic "Head In The Air". This takes place in Episode 33, and emphasizes Hotohori's take on Nuriko's death. This songfic is based on The Corrs' song "Give Me A Reason". If you want to hear the song, here's a [link][1]. 

  
**Give Me A Reason  
**by Nights

I gasped, the invisible pain in my chest twisting my body so hard that I felt like I was slowly being torn apart. I stood up from my seat and doubled over, my hand reaching for my front, clawing, desperate to find the source of that pain and destroy it in my fingertips. _I can't breathe, _I thought frantically. I have to breathe...

And unexpectedly, the pain, as suddenly as it have appeared, vanished. 

_Give me a reason  
It's not romantic here in blue  
Swimming, swimming in blue  
You left me lonely and confused  
Question, questioning you_

The viselike grip on my chest slowly loosened, and started to drift away from me. It seemd to linger a little more, and instinctively, I lifted my hand to reach for its intangible presence. 

My hands grasped nothing but air. 

I straigtened up slowly. Around me, the court advisors hovered, worried over me. I gave them a reassuring smile, and they turned back to their papers. The temporary distraction was already over.

But still...I wringed my hands, unable to return to where my thoughts were before. 

_Something must have happened...but what?_

_So soon goodbye you stole my heart  
I believe, believing you  
Was it a lie right from the start?  
Answer, answer me do_

I reached for the teddy bear Miaka gave me. I never really regarded the bear with much observation, usually I left it to sit on the chair next to me. Now it stared back at me, plastic buttons served as its eyes, a touch of worn yarn, its mouth, forever sewed into one straight, emotionless line. I often wondered how the children in Miaka's world could seek comfort in something so... dead.

_Now my body's weak - so just give me a reason  
And my makeup's off - so just give me a reason  
And my defenses down - so just give me a reason  
Give me a reason  
Give me a reason_

No, not again..._ITAI!_

I turned away from my court advisors so as not to worry them as I was again attacked by that painful ache that racked my body earlier. I let out a short hiss as I tried to breathe, but this time, the attack seemed more intense, more real.

I felt like claws shaped to the sharpest points were ravaging my body, tearing away my skin and ruthlessly ripping away my insides. I could practically feel my blood dripping from my body, my life running away from the home where it has been gently nestled for so long.

And then again, the pain suddenly disappeared.

But this time...this time...it felt so final. One last time. One last strike, one last pain.

_You'll never know the love I felt  
Wanting, waiting for you  
It takes a weak heart to forget  
Follow, follow it through_

_What is this? _I wondered. _What is this, and why is this happening to me? Why now? _

The coldness of the sudden breeze that swept through my window chilled me. It was cold in the mountains this year, I thought absentmindedly. 

I rested my cheek on the faux fur of the teddy bear, seeking warmth beyond the obviously lifeless plaything. My hands reached for its small and frail frame, absentmindedly raking my fingers on its side.

_Come home to me, Nuriko._

_I am strong enough - so just give me a reason  
Now my body's weak - so just give me a reason  
And my makeup's off - so just give me a reason  
My defenses down - so just give me a reason  
Give me a reason, give me a reason  
Give me a reason, give me a reason  
Give me a reason  
I did it too long_

Almost as if to interject my sudden reminiscing, the breeze pushed my window open again, plunging my room to frost.

I shivered and looked down at the bear, still forlorn, not seeming to mind the chilly weather at all.

_Come home to me, Nuriko._

The breeze stopped. 

**  
-----The End----**

   [1]: http://www.geocities.com/pauldbc_1/give_me_a_reason.rm



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